*Note to the reader...
This story is a little disgusting. If you have a weak stomach, you may want to rethink reading this post.
Well, as most of you know, I have been in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico for the last week. Let's start by saying that this place is amazing. We are staying at a beautiful resort, right on the ocean, and everything is just gorgeous. We started our vacation with an amazing zipline through the canopy of the jungle experience, and riding high off that, we decided to book a snorkeling tour a short boat ride from our hotel at a world famous trio of small islands just off the coast. This sounds marvelous, right?
Wrong.
I forgot, I don't like boats. Or rather, my body does not like boats.
Apparently my wonderful brother who speaks spanish wandered down to the beach and found a man who knew somebody with a boat, and for a small fee, he would contact said captain and book us a snorkeling tour. Great. Done.
The boat will be at the beach behind our hotel to pick us up at 11am the following morning. I have never been snorkeling, so I was very excited. The next morning, we are all at the beach anxiously awaiting our tour boat at 10:45. Waiting, and waiting, and waiting. About 11:30 a very beat up smaller boat pulls up to the beach, and the random dude at the beach informs us that this is our tour. Clue #1 - If your tour boat looks like it won't hold all of you, like it's about to fall apart at any moment, and the crew looks like a mugshot of Bob Marley, maybe you shouldn't get on the boat.
I got on the boat.
Once we got through the adventure of getting on the boat, which none of got away with doing without bruises, we were on our way. If you could get past the smell of gasoline, and the fear that the boat was about to fall apart, it was exhilarating. We saw fish jumping. We saw a dolphin, and the view of the city from the ocean was amazing. About 15 minutes into the boat ride, I remembered.
I get seasick.
As I have not spent a lot of time on boats, this small fact had left my memory. Clearly this is something I should remember about myself. I tried to look out the front of the boat, because this sometimes helps, but to no avail. By the time we arrived at our destination 15 minutes later, I was sick.
We had brought some dried bread with us to lure the fish, and boy were there fish. I was slightly distracted by thousands of fish by the side of the boat fighting for bread crumbs, but as the suiting up got under way, I was not doing well. I decided that I was just going to curl up on the boat and try not to die while everyone was snorkeling.
Did I mention that we had booked a 3 hour snorkeling tour?
And that we were far enough out in the ocean that the water was approx 25 feet deep?
So I was stuck.
When my family saw how sick I was, they assured me that it would be better in the water, and I should just get a mask on and go in.
Clue #2 - Don't trust the people who aren't the least bit sick.
I went in the water. I will go on record and admit that it was amazing. We were near some caves on these 3 islands, and there were several cliffs under water, and the wildlife was incredible. I however, was getting sicker. I decided that my original course of action was best. It was time to go back to the boat, curl up and try not to die.
As I was swimming back to the boat, I realized that things were not good.
I was probably not going to keep my breakfast.
My goal now became getting back to the boat, and on it, so I could puke off the side where there were not many snorkelers. I did not make it.
Just as I got to the side of the boat, up came breakfast.
Now, puking by itself is not the most horrible thing in the world, however, I was strapped to a life jacket that was keeping me afloat in a very awkward position, so the best I could do was turn my head so the puke didn't go all over the front of me. As humiliating as it was to throw up right in front of our "tour guide", the humiliation was short lived. Apparently fish can't tell the difference between dried bread, and puke. I was almost immediately swarmed by hundreds of fish trying to eat my puke. Problem was, I was still puking.
It is terrifying to throw up while you are in 25 feet of water, being swarmed by fish. Needless to say, I was just trying to keep fish from getting in my mouth, not so much about which direction my head was pointed. After there was no more puke, and the fish had gone on their merry way, I just wanted out of the water. I crawled up into the boat, wrapped myself in a towel, and curled up at the front of the boat no longer sure that I didn't want to die.
Thankfully, my family got bored about an hour later, and we were able to head back to the hotel.
I did not move the entire time. I don't care what you people can see.
As soon as we got back I headed to the hotel room, and went right for the shower. Even though the fish appeared to have eaten it all, I felt like I was covered in throw up.
Oh, guess what? I was.
When I peeled my swimsuit off, there was throw up all down the front of me. I almost puked again.
I spent close to an hour in the shower scrubbing me and my suit, and then curled up in bed for the rest of the day.
Moral of the story?
Self - Please try to remember in the future that you don't like boats...